Alumni Fellowship Reflections
AlexisMarie Nelson As the end of your Fellowship approaches, are there major takeaways or highlights from the last two years? “Confidence is key! I became more aware of how much work and intentionality is going into what’s currently happening at CMW, and there’s still so much more to be done. It feels both daunting and energizing. Another takeaway is that I have a lot to offer…and also a whole lot to learn! As for highlights, I really enjoyed having a chance to teach and contribute to the different groups like Daily Orchestra Program, Youth Alliance, and Phase II. I’m extremely glad I got to add a second day a week with Youth Alliance for my second year! I also really appreciate Green Dragon (weekly staff conversations on anti-racist practice), and getting to spend consistent time as an organization to dig into important conversations. The time that I spent with Chloe and Lisa Sailer in viola and Alexander Technique lessons was invaluable and imperative to my musical progress throughout the fellowship.” Are there new ideas, skills, or perspectives that you gained from your time in the Fellowship? “I think I’ve grown a lot personally during this time. It does wonders to be in a supportive environment where you feel able to both work to your strengths and challenge yourself to take on new and different experiences. The experience reaffirmed the importance of multi generational community building and I’m recognizing the power of being able to have a voice as an alumni and a teacher. I feel more confident in offering the skills that I already possess and asking for help or guidance when needed.” Have your ideas for your future career path become clearer over the course of these two years? If yes, do you have a direction you want to continue to pursue? “This experience has only further confirmed that I’ll probably always work with kids in some way! There’s so much vibrancy to the mind and imaginations of youth that too often get tamped and restrained in educational spaces, and I can’t imagine not being an active part of working against that. It also reminded me that there is something special about working with students of all ages. I’m grateful for the amount of hands-on experience in teaching spaces with Amazing teachers that I’ve been able to have and learn from. I know things that I’ve added to my toolkit from this time will be long-lasting. Musically, I’m feeling proud of my progress, and way more hopeful about performance potentially being a part of my career path. I have some more thinking and work to do internally and externally to do on this end.”
Were there things you found challenging about the Fellowship? “I think one of the biggest challenges is also, coincidentally, one of the best things about the fellowship! Getting the chance to explore and be a part of so many aspects of the program is so special, and I feel like I was able to build and deepen connections across CMW because of it, but every so often it would feel a bit overwhelming, especially around performances and large projects. Another challenge was finding my footing in this role as a prior student! It’s very special to be back to such a familiar place with former teachers, but it took a while to recalibrate to being in these spaces in a different capacity.” Is there anything that you would wish to be included as part of the Fellowship? “I can’t think of anything specific to the Fellowship, but I think in general, it’d be nice to know what the Board is doing more often! They play a very important role in our community, and I feel like in the two years, I know the least about what they’ve been up to.”
Liam Hopkins “As I think back on my fellowship it feels hard to imagine it’s already been two whole years. Every Friday I would find myself blindsided by the end of another week. Sometimes whole months seemed to fly by. And yet looking back to that first day two years seems like a vast stretch of time. There are so many highlights from that time. Playing in the Phase II orchestra this year and watching the students tackle challenging music, grow their confidence and really settle into a cohesive ensemble was so rewarding. It was also just really fun. It might be the obvious answer but any time I got to speak that special language of music with students was a joy. I would be remiss not to mention all the moments with colleagues: sharing a little joke with Lisa or Kimberly or Kam from across a Harry Kazirian classroom, the post Phase II debrief with Alexis, Chloe, and Walter, the occasional jam session or moment to be nerdy about music, or simply observing so many striking musicians and teachers work. Whether it was in big ways or small I was lucky to have shared work with such caring and talented people. The Daily Orchestra Program has a very special place in my heart and I feel so lucky to have been around all those amazing little humans. Zoom orchestra will always be a unique experience for me and I just feel lucky I got to make pirates out of some kids and teach a few sea shanties. I’m proud of the work Ashley and I did on our seminar this year. I still have some moments to look forward to; I’m so excited to work on my piece with some wonderful players and I know the end-of-year parties will be silly and fun and probably a little nostalgic. I’ve learned so much about what it means to be a teacher. I’ve learned just as much about everything that goes into CMW and I got to see a whole new side of a familiar place. Just the other night at the End-of-Year gala when I felt like my head was gonna fall off my shoulders, I was struck by the realization that I was on the other side of something I’d participated in so many times as a student. I don’t think I ever realized, at least not viscerally, how hectic it all feels when you’re not just freaking out about playing your solo. So many moving parts go into a production of that scale, with a bunch of hyped-up kids on top of it. Hectic as it may have been, but it was deeply rewarding to see the culmination of a year’s work.
In some ways I haven’t gained as much clarity as I thought I might about where to go next. I have learned that I really love working with youth and I’ve had a lot of recent revelations that teaching in many ways makes so much sense for me. I feel like I’ve grown so much as a teacher in the last two years. Part of me also feels exhausted by the prospect of being in a classroom every day. One of the biggest challenges I’ve found over the last two years has been how emotional this work can be for me. I have left quite a few Green Dragon sessions deeply frustrated. I struggle a lot with the structural position of nonprofits, with what I still see culturally as an attachment to the status quo and a symbiosis with the rich and powerful. Contradictions abound and sometimes they are very difficult for me. The insidious nature of oppression, especially as it so casually operates in America, requires a constant vigilance to have a hope of struggling against. It can be easy to fall back on the default; the default will inevitably hurt our students. Working with young people makes me feel vulnerable and scared and angry for their futures. That certainly wouldn’t get easier anywhere else. When I think about what to do next, I can’t help but think of that. But I also think of all the joy that youth brings and how special it is to have a teaching relationship with young people. In as many ways as I lack clarity on where to go next, I know I’ll carry that lesson with me wherever I am. The fellowship was simultaneously broad and focused. I had my hand in so many different aspects of CMW; one day could be so different from the next. But each aspect was grounded in the community, oriented around a familiar feeling. I loved getting to experience so many different elements. I could go from a deep conversation on anti-racist practice to a bass lesson, to writing a bachata song with Youth Alliance to playing with an orchestra in just a few hours. And the next day I’d be with first year string players watching Yo-Yo Ma on Sesame Street. I loved that the fellowship was designed in this way and truthfully, it’s hard to feel that it was missing anything. Sometimes I wished we all had a little more time to casually make music with one another outside of the official MWC calendar. I think back fondly to reading down a jazz standard with Kam and Walter sometime last year. It took me a while to find a mentoring relationship that really worked for my composition, but I got there in the end and I’m really proud of what I’ve written and very excited to hear it performed. Overall I’d be hard pressed to imagine the fellowship differently but I suppose maybe that’s a side effect of having lived it as it was.” Photos by Erin X. Smithers and Noraliza Grullon |
Congratulations to Liam Hopkins (left) and AlexisMarie Nelson (right) on graduating in the first cohort of the Alumni Fellowship Program! AlexisMarie and Liam recently took time to reflect on their experiences at CMW over the past two years and shared them with us.
AlexisMarie receives well-deserved hugs from student in the Daily Orchestra Program.
Liam rocks the bass with students at the End-of-Year Student Gala.